Posts tagged with "sexual assault"

How to Ensure Your Son is Clear on Consent

The Legal Information Institute includes in their definition of assault, “reasonable apprehension of an imminent harmful or offensive contact. Physical injury is not required.” Studies have shown that more than 90% of our communication is non-verbal. We need to teach our young people, especially our young men, how to read non-verbal cues. If you lean into a person and they do not lean forward in return or, more importantly, lean backwards, they are letting you know that you are encroaching on their personal space. Any further encroachment can be considered offensive. Does that mean you have to stop talking to that person? Absolutely not! It just means, slow your roll. It does mean don’t touch them, tickle or grab them. You may want to role play this scenario with your son so that there is a clear understanding before any alcohol is added to the mix. Diminished capacity is not an excuse.

CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY

Of late, discussions surrounding consent have centered on consent as it relates to sex. As the common definition of sex amongst adolescents includes penetration, it is again, imperative  to inform our young men that sexual assault can include, per Women’s Health “Fondling or unwanted touching above or under clothes.” This means that many of the popular movie make-out scenes where guys just reach over and commence touching without any conversation would be viewed as sexual assault today. The goal is to not increase the stress and anxiety surrounding interacting with someone you’re attracted to. In fact, if handled correctly, communication reduces everyone’s stress.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE CONSENT

1. Say something! “I really like you, is it okay if I …” or “I really would like to kiss you?” and pause for a response.

2. Don’t be ambiguous. “Do you want to go to my room?” is not code for “and have sex.”

3. Pay attention! If the person you’re with has gotten quiet, they may have become uncomfortable and are having trouble verbalizing their feelings. Stop whatever you’re doing immediately, and check-in with your partner. SILENCE IS NOT CONSENT, ASK!

4. Don’t be selfish! While it is easy to focus on your own pleasure, it is important to stay connected with your partner and don’t make the other person feel bad if they seem hesitant or want to stop. They are withdrawing consent. This is important; they don’t have to say “no” to withdraw consent. If they are no longer actively participating, there is NO consent.

CAN THERE BE CONSENT WHEN DRUNK?

This is an important question as it relates to your son’s college career. College protocol and the law do not always have to agree. In other words, if students are inebriated at the time, and there is what was understood to be consensual sex at the time, and neither lost consciousness, in some states the parties would still be considered incapacitated to consent; however, in other states a legal argument can be made that there was consent. Based on your college’s protocol, l you can be considered impaired even if both parties consented, and you may  face consequences such as expulsion. Make sure to understand your school’s Student Code of Conduct. All major colleges and universities now have a section to address sexual misconduct. It’s a good idea to review this with your son before he leaves so that there is no ambiguity. So now your drunk, how do you decide? Even when drunk, go back to step 1: Say something. If you or your partner can’t communicate, there can’t be consent. Remember, if there is any doubt, there is NO consent.

YES, A MAN MUST ALSO CONSENT

Just because a woman offers sex, does not mean a man has to want it. There is nothing wrong with a guy turning down sex. Sexual emancipation has given rise to a dark side, an underreported behavior. Some sororities are encouraging the collecting of sexual scalps. Without consent, it is wrong when a man does it. It is equally wrong when a woman does it. It is important for young men to realize that they can be sexually assaulted and/or raped. It is a myth that men cannot be raped. There is a powerful scene in the popular History Channel’s series Vikings which depicts just such an event. Sexual assault of a male is traumatic and should not be minimized because of gender. Males should be encouraged to report and are entitled to the same protections afforded female victims. You need to make sure your son is aware that this is NEVER okay.

IS IT EVER TOO LATE TO WITHDRAW CONSENT?

This is an extremely important concept. Just because someone consents to sex, that does not mean they have given up their right to end the experience at any point. Once someone says “stop,” or “no” or ceases participation, they have withdrawn consent and the other party needs to stop as they are no longer with a “willing” participant. There is no justification to continue the encounter.

At this point, some parents may be thinking, “am I making a mistake letting my son go away to school?” The college transition for a prepared adolescent is a valuable experience. In addition to education, college provides an opportunity for a young man to master self-sufficiency, gain self-esteem and most importantly develop the critical thinking skills needed to be successful in life. Teach your son about consent. This is an important tool that will make him a better person, then allow him the opportunity to step up and become that person.

DR. NADINE PIERRE-LOUIS is the Founder and CEO of Doc and Jock LLC, whose mission is to enhance awareness and communication on male issues with the slogan Real Men Talk™.Dr. Pierre-Louis has more than 15 years of experience as a Human Growth and Development Educator and Licensed Marriage Therapist.

In addition to her private practice, Dr. Pierre-Louis works as an adjunct professor at one of the nation’s largest community colleges, where she has gained a reputation for using humor to simplify complex concepts, making learning fun. She is the recipient of the 2016 AC4 Columbia University IACM Fellowship.

Dr. Pierre-Louis lives in Florida and is the mother of two sons, ages 24 and 20.

Former Vice President Joe Biden Knows America’s “Dirty Little Secret”

Former Vice President Joe Biden Knows America’s “Dirty Little Secret”

Former Vice President Joe Biden has called it a, “public health epidemic.” A “stain on the moral character of a society.” An issue that “cuts to the very core of how we measure ourselves.” Joe Biden believes, “We must change the culture.” See Joe Biden live, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, January 28, 2019.

Fort Lauderdale, FLA – Hope for Children Foundation®! ; mission stands firmly in supporting the prevention of cruelty to children, extending and offering protection to children, families and adults in the United States through free online video and movie education. Hope for Children Foundation celebrates the lives of children and families in the United States of America.

The FBI reported 97% of abused children reported to the legal system are not protected.

Read more about this and view free online videos by going to the Website: www.hopeforchildrenfoundation.org  Hope for Children Foundation’s presence is throughout the United States due to the power of the Internet. Many free movies and videos are available for your increased protection and knowledge. Be careful and make sure you are on the correct URL address. A few others wrongly use our name. We have the Trademark Registration number 5,409,810.

Joe Biden has spent more than 25 years fighting to end violence against women, children and men, in the United States. In the 1990s, as a senator, he wrote the landmark Violence Against Women Act, which drastically changed how the U.S. responded to domestic violence and sexual assault. 

This video produced by Hope for Children Foundation shows how this Act offers protection to women, children and men:

Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/embed/zZAPzGy7HZI

Donations to Hope for Children Foundation

You can donate online through Paypal or mail a check to a safe P.O. Box 191028  Dallas, TX  75219. All of our training has always been free to everyone. Therefore, we greatly appreciate your donation to further the future of Hope for Children Foundation.

Abuse of Power – Help End the Cycle of Abuse

Joe Biden was raised by a gentle, honorable man who always taught his children that the greatest sin anyone could commit is the abuse of power — and the cardinal sin is when a man raises his hand to a woman or a child or someone with less physical power, including raising a hand to a weaker man.

When he started to work on this issue, violence against women, children and men, were not taken as seriously, and survivors were not given the recourse they deserved. Too often, victims of violent crimes were blamed. Too often, perpetrators were not prosecuted.

Joe Biden, Hope for Children Foundation, and many others, are convinced America needs to change its culture. And in order to change the culture, we have to pull the mask off of this dirty little secret. A simple message for all Americans:  You should be the ultimate agents of change. It’s time for all of you to step up. 

Think about a culture that exists when a victim who’s been abused or raped is asked all the wrong questions: Why were you there? What were you wearing? What did you say? Why did you say it? What were you drinking? Those are all the wrong questions. It’s never the victim’s fault.

The right questions are: What made that person think they had a right to touch me?  Why on Earth did no one step up when they had the chance? Or for you men:  Why didn’t I have the courage to speak up — to intervene, to act?  Men to ask yourselves: What would I have done if she was my sister?

Passing the Violence Against Women Act in 1994, has literally saved lives. Women, men and children need to know they won’t be abused again by the system, they’re reporting violen! ce at higher rates. Twenty – five years ago, there was no domestic violence hotline — now 3.4 million women and men have called the National Domestic Violence Hotline and gotten support and help.

The yearly domestic violence rates dropped 64 percent between 1993 and 2010. There were no special victims units — now, police departments across the country have specially trained personnel to treat domestic abuse as crime rather than a private matter. The culture is changing so that abusers are now treated as the criminals they are. It’s no longer acceptable for a man to abuse a woman in public or privately in the home. Sexism is no longer tolerated. We no longer remain silent when a woman is being abused in front of us. The #MeToo and #Time’sUp Movements have helped to empower victims of violent crimes. The clock has run out on sexual assault, harassment and inequality in the workplace.

We all should take a pledge and act on three things: (1) I promise to intervene instead of being a bystander. (2) I promise to recognize that any time consent is not given — or cannot be given — it’s sexual assault and it’s a crime; and (3) I promise to do everything I! can to create an environment where sexual assault is unacceptable, where survivors are supported, where perpetrators are treated with the moral and legal accountability they deserve. 

Healthy Support for the United States of America

Joe Biden by instinct and long experience has shown he has the ability to reach across the aisle and return this country to civility and compromise with integrity, respect, dignity and honor in the best interest of protecting Americans, and other people around the world. Joe Biden is interested in all Americans and supports a healing process for all to experience. Hope for Children Foundation encourages you to attend Joe Biden’s American Promise Tour. We did, and realized America is better off having a man and a women standing strong for Americans like former Vice President Joe Biden and Jill Biden.

For more information, visit the website at https://www.hopeforchildrenfoundation.org

UMW Shadow Event Raises Campus Awareness Of Sexual Assault

“The event was impactful and enlightening.” – UMW student

“It’s taken me a while to come to terms with my situation and just going to the event was beneficial to me.” – UMW student

“I feel like we changed some lives last night.” – Speaker at event

‘The testimonials were very powerful.” – Alex Weathersby, RCASA

The University of Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, Virginia held its first ever Shadow Event on Tuesday, November 14. The event was put on by UMW’s Where is the Line?, a club dedicated to raising awareness for sexual assault and domestic violence as well as providing support to survivors and empowering people to restore the hope that was lost. The club is affiliated with the Fear2Freedom organization.

The Shadow Event was held in on campus Dodd Auditorium. 6 survivors were given the opportunity to share their stories anonymously. A large, back light projection screen was set up in the center of the stage and each speaker had a designated color light that illuminated their silhouette to the audience. There were 5 female speakers and 1 male at the November 14 event. Over 100 students from the small school were in attendance to show their support. Representatives from the local prevention and support organization, Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault (RCASA), were also in attendance to provide counseling to audience members who may have been triggered by the speeches. In addition to the 6 speakers, there were singers that performed a song every 2 speeches to allow audience members to recollect themselves and take a mental break. Tori Power of the school’s show choir group covered Sara Bareilles’ “Brave”, Ellé Antzoulatos, WITL’s marketing coordinator, sang Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb”, and Rachel Lynch, a dedicated member of WITL, sang an a Capella version of Jeff Buckley’s “Hallejuah”. The audience members were given a set of colored notecards and a pencil upon arrival and had the opportunity to write words of encouragement to each speaker. The notes have been screened by club members and will be given to each survivor who spoke to help with the healing process.

The event was a tremendous success and WITL has begun planning and preparation for this spring’s Celebration Event, an interactive event where students will put together after care kits for victims of sexual assault and domestic violence to receive upon intake into a shelter or at the beginning of a rape kit. To help fund for the event, the club has launched a T-Shirt sale. To support, click HERE

About Where is the Line?
ere is the Line is a club dedicated to the prevention of and spreading awareness about sexual assault and domestic violence. The club hosts events and projects to aid survivors as well as educating peers about the issue. The club founded the Share The Hope project, a non-profit jewelry sale in which for each bracelet sold, one is donated to a survivor. WITL at UMW was. Founded by Nicole Lind and Kelsey Welsh in January 2017.

About Fear2Freedom
Fear 2 Freedom (F2F) is a global non-profit founded in 2011 by Rosemary Trible. Their mission is to help to restore hope and dignity to survivors of sexual assault while empowering students and communities to combat sexual violence.

 

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