Posts tagged with "relationships"

360 MAGAZINE, Vaughn Lowery

Signs You’re Spending Too Much Time With Your Partner

How can you tell if someone loves you? Have you ever wondered and say to yourself, “We spend too much time together?”  Do you know that spending less time with your partner can be something positive? There are couples who either because they work together as for any other reason, which makes them in spending too much time together, and without realizing this can cause damage in the relationship.

Are you spending too much time together with your partner? Let’s find out!

If you notice that in your relationship there are any or several of these signs, then for your sake the time has come to start making some plans separately, you will appreciate it!

Lack of conversation topic

If you and your partner are 24 hours together it is normal that you have exhausted everything you have to say, this will make you look like two boring strangers. But for this not to happen, think about conversation topics to have with your partner.

Whatever the topic of conversation, what matters is that the affective bond that unites them and that they take care of it is reinforced. If you never feel like having a conversation with your partner, it is possible that something starts to go wrong between you two.

You don’t look like yourself

It is possible when spending too much time together with your partner, there comes a time when they look like the same person. They think the same at the same time and there comes a time when you can begin to think that your essence is being lost.

If this happens to you it is very important that you meet again. You are you and your partner is a different being from you. 

Do not speak on the phone

If you don’t talk to your partner on the phone, it’s because they may be together all day. In addition it is also likely that if you have to separate but do not want to talk on the phone it is because you need time for yourself.

Do not go outside

By sharing the same home as your partner you do not find it necessary to go outside and do things together. You prefer to be at home and the fun starts to run low. Spending the whole weekend in pajamas at home can be a warning sign, and especially if they do the same thing over and over again. This is dangerous because it can make the passion get lost. 

You can get a compatible partner from DoUlike.com. Try going out even once during the weekend to do new things that both of you can have fun.

Can spending too much time together ruin a relationship?

Too much togetherness can harm even the most harmonious/intimate relationship. Often, the couples do not notice immediately that spending time together loses quality and is determined by everyday life and routine. If one partner wishes to spend more time without the other that does not mean that love is cold. Maybe only the first euphoria has disappeared or the one feels restricted by too much closeness.

To prevent a harmful habit in time, five simple tips help:

● Keep your interests!

Even in the initial euphoria, the partners should not concentrate completely on each other. Therefore, maintain your own interests and do not give up your beloved hobbies especially for the partner. Also, make sure that he does it to you and encourage him to pursue his passions on a regular basis.

Own preferences make you really interesting for each other and ensure your personal satisfaction. When you are balanced, your partner will perceive it positively. Too much closeness can be avoided by, for example, spending a few hours apart on shared weekends.

● If you have friendships, you have few problems with too much closeness

Both the partner’s own and friends can be an important support to your relationship. The opinion of others is helpful in making difficult decisions because it may give you new perspectives and perspectives on some situations. Men’s or women’s evenings bring you the necessary variety in everyday relationships and new topics of conversation.

Do not make the mistake of isolating yourself from the rest of the world with your partner and losing valuable friendships. Many couples forget about maintaining their friendships and do not notice the gap that opens up between them and their friends over time. Bear in mind that your partner can not and should not exclusively replace your friends.

● Realize your own dreams

Compromising on the relationship is absolutely necessary in a long-term, successful partnership. Nevertheless, it is equally important not to lose sight of your own wishes and dreams. If you are always taking a back seat, giving up hobbies, or not taking advantage of career opportunities out of consideration for your partner, it can lead to tension and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

See changes – such as a stay abroad or a move – not just as a threat to your relationship. The temporary spatial separation can also be a chance to grow as a couple to the challenge.

Also be aware that some relationships are broken by an excess of closeness or togetherness: “Too much closeness rarely causes two people to feel closely connected. The opposite is often the case: if the partners spend too much time together, they emotionally move away from each other.

Conclusively, if you notice that you start to get bored in a relationship, make changes to make the relationship work better. Truе love iѕ not a hidе and ѕееk gаmе: in truе lоvе, bоth lоvеrѕ ѕееk each оthеr.                               

Vaughn Lowery, 360 MAGAZINE

Ending Suicide This National Suicide Prevention Month

By Vinay Saranga M.D.

National Suicide Prevention Month is this September, with Suicide Prevention Week being recognized Sunday, Sep. 8, 2019 – Saturday, Sep. 14, 2019. Suicide is a growing issue in America, with an estimated 44,965 Americans ending their own lives each year, or roughly 123 each day. Think about that for a moment: 123 people each day saying they’ve had enough.

Suicide is the worst possible outcome there is not just for the individual, but for the family he or she leaves behind. Quite often this involves parents and grandparents, children, siblings and friends who are left wondering why. Why did he do it? Why didn’t I see the signs? Could I have done more? Is this somehow partially my fault? Was I not nice to him or her?

As mental health professionals, it hurts us too. If the person didn’t get help, why not? Was he or she denied access to mental health benefits? If he or she was under our care, where did we go wrong? Did we not see the signs or prescribe the wrong course of treatment?    

When it comes to suicide, there are no straightforward answers. In fact, most of the time, we never get answers unless the person left behind a note, and even then, we are still often left scratching our heads in disbelief and dismay.

That’s why initiatives like National Suicide Prevention Month and Suicide Prevention Week are so important. It helps us shine the light on the pain of suicide, even if for a short period of time. The reality is, we need to have open conversations about suicide, depression and overall mental health all the time, 365 days a year. We need to end the stigma surrounding mental illness immediately or unfortunately, suicide will continue to needlessly end the lives of so many around us.

The only bit of good news is that suicide is preventable, but an intervention must take place. The driving force behind a suicide must be properly dealt with before it spirals out of control, whether this is a mental illness, nasty divorce, job loss or anything else.

We can provide hope and support by starting a conversation. Reach out to help normalize the topic. Don’t hesitate to seek treatment for mental illnesses. It is not a sign of weakness. Someone suffering from heart disease wouldn’t hesitate to seek help for their heart condition. The same normalization needs to be visible in the mental health community. If you suspect someone might be suicidal, here are some things you can do to help.

Talk

Again, help normalize the topic by conversation. Simply asking someone if they are thinking about suicide is a good step. Never promise to keep their suicidal thoughts a secret. Be open and non-judgmental. Encourage immediate professional intervention through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It is available 24-hours a day.

Connect

Professional help is essential. Don’t just suggest it because they might be unlikely to follow through. Do it for them. Someone who might be suicidal could be suffering from deep depression, mania and other conditions that sometimes prevent clarity. Do the research and help get them set up with an appointment with a mental health professional like a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist or licensed counselor.

Support

If someone in your life is contemplating suicide, constantly remind them that there is hope. There are many successful treatments which can help turn how their feeling around. Life is worth living. Continue to support and communicate with them. You can increase their feelings of connectedness and share your ongoing support. There is evidence that even a simple form of reaching out, like sending a card or email, can potentially reduce their risk for suicide. Remember, loneliness is a major cause of depression.

This National Suicide Prevention Month, let’s put an end to this horrific epidemic once and for all. The more we continue the conversation and bring attention to it, the more people we will reach and save.

Vinay Saranga M.D. is a psychiatrist and founder of Saranga Comprehensive Psychiatry. https://www.sarangapsychiatry.com/

360 MAGAZINE, Vaughn Lowery

5 Ways Your Relationship Can Hurt Your Health

By Robert Oldman

Anyone who clicked on a site like https://www.flirt.com and is now in a meaningful relationship as a result may well face their fair share of ups and downs. For most people, dating relationships are new and exciting uncharted territory. The experience will more typically be exemplified by happiness, contentment, fun nights out, cozy nights in. With all that going on, surely there can’t be any negatives associated with being in a relationship or dating someone? Actually, that’s not always the case at all. Your relationship can actually damage your health, in a variety of different, sometimes surprising ways. Here are five you may not necessarily have considered.

Stress

In any relationship, there will inevitably be times when you are less satisfied than others. It is pretty much impossible to coast along without there ever being moments of friction, whether this is anything to do with yourselves, or external factors have come into play.  Everything from worrying about family to money issues to work can impact your stress levels, but having doubts about your partnership can be especially concerning. If you are unduly bothered about anything at all, this can have a negative affect on everything from your blood pressure to your libido. Prolonged periods of stress can lead to even more potentially harmful problems, such as mental ill-health.

Overeating

There can be a direct correlation between stress and eating. What is known as comfort eating is a well-known medical condition, leading to people compensating for feelings of inadequacy by over-indulging, often in fatty or fast foods which are bad for your cardiovascular system. When couples are enjoying a healthy, relatively hassle-free relationship, they might not be aware of it but they can also do damage by spending excessive amounts of time dining out or going on regular restaurant dates. Drinking too much is another potentially risky side-effect for partners who relish each other’s company a bit too much!

Insomnia

While sleeping together and enjoying all the fruits of an active love life are all well and good, the fact you are sharing your bed with somebody can have its downside. Some partners can be restless, tossing and turning, or hogging the covers. One of the commonest issues in the bedroom department is when one of the parties has a snoring habit. Many factors can trigger this unfortunate activity, from eating late at night to drinking too much coffee to smoking, but the bottom line is hours of interrupted sleep for their other half. Insomnia brings several other issues, including impacts on mental health.

Partying

People who are enjoying a healthy and fulfilling partnership will often feel like letting off steam after a long working week. This is something which could well commence when they are at home, fortifying themselves with a few drinks prior to heading out to the bar, club or party. When couples get into the habit of indulging in liquid refreshments on a regular basis, they may well get to the stage where they no longer need the excuse of kickstarting their evening with pre-date drinks. It’s not uncommon for this type of behavior to begin on ‘school nights,’ too. People can all too quickly lapse into problematic drinking patterns, and if there are two susceptible individuals hovering near the supply of bottles, this could become something they share.

Depression

Many things can cause a relationship to slide off the rails, whether there are temporary disagreements or profound arguments. Disaffection can lead to more negative symptoms, and if these remain unchecked, the end result can be depressive illness. When one partner succumbs to any form of depression, the relationship can be tested to its breaking point.

About Robert Oldman

A Chief Writer of a relationship blog. He posseses a degree in Psychology from Kent State University and specializes in the field of interpersonal relationships as well as communication.

Vaughn Lowery, 360 MAGAZINE, LA

Top 5 Ways to Meet People Online

Meeting friends is an adventure filled with fun but always requires going out of one’s comfort zone especially if you just moved into a new area. Online is the best place to meet single women dating. Why? There are 3.9 billion users of the internet worldwide, while the United States accounted for about 293 million of this population. This is more than what a single neighborhood can accommodate. 

Meeting People Online

To meet people online, you may need to join some communities or forums. This is similar to offline life. In reality, people in search of friends or date will need to visit bars, clubs or any other socially engaging event. 

These online platforms such as Military Singles usually require all their users to fill out certain forms. They will extract information from the filled details to set up a profile which other users can always see to have some information about the new person they are meeting. 

Some of the popular and best ways to meet people online include; 

Social Media

There are more than 243 million users of social media networks in the United States. Some of these platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter are interesting places to find fantastic people. 

Facebook, for instance, is popular for connecting its users with friends and family. Anybody that has an account with Facebook will always be recommended to other people to become friends with through their algorithm that matches your account based on mutual friends you have with others. 

See someone you like? Send them a message and who knows, that might be the start of a long-term friendship. 

Dating Apps (Such as Military Singles)

Many people are already warming up to the idea of meeting people online through dating apps and sites. Ninety-one percent of Americans have reportedly tried online dating apps while almost 17 percent of them met their future partners through the apps. 

Dating apps and sites are not only meant for people in search of a date. In fact, a survey revealed 42 percent of Tinder users are married. Tinder is one of the most popular dating apps. 

Users of these apps may need not worry about the probability of people replying to their messages or showing interest in them. Grindr, a dating app for gays, for instance, has about 433.2 minutes of user engagement.

Thinking of the number of people you could meet? There are more than 8 million Tinder users. Plenty Of Fish (POF) also has more than 5 million users

Freelance Websites

The internet has made it easier for people to meet people to hire or outsource their jobs. 

People in search of new clients for their businesses may try freelance platforms to connect with new people. Popular freelance platforms like Upwork has more than 12 million registered users and 5 million users with approximately $1 billion worth of jobs posted yearly. 

These websites also offer escrow service that protects freelancers from not getting paid for their service. Some people have reportedly quit their day job to focus on freelancing full-time. However, this is not always advisable because it is not always as easy as it sounds. 

Team-Based Platforms

Anywhere in the world, meetings can be conducted with attendees located at different parts of the world through platforms like Skype and Hangout. Team communication has also been made easier all thanks to the internet. Team members can now communicate and share ideas irrespective of their locations by using platforms like Slack and Trello. 

These are great avenues of meeting people online. An employer using this kind of business model usually hire their employees from different parts of the world. Communicate with others, share ideas and you may be able to build your relationship beyond the platform. 

Schools using such a system most of the time always have lots of their students added to the group. This is an avenue for the student to build a relationship they may not be able to build while in class. 

Email

We receive different emails every day. Some annoying while others are important and informative. It is very possible to meet people through this medium. As a student intending to study in a particular school, to find out about the school admission criteria or assess your chances of getting admission there, search online for their email address and send them an email. 

Freelancers can also use the medium to solicit for work. Promotional emails from a company that might need their service is a lead. Send them the details of your service and await a response. 

Conclusion

Meeting people online is easier and more fun. However, it is advisable to be careful before agreeing to see anyone you meet online. When filling out the forms usually required by dating apps, users are advised to be sure of the apps’ validity to avoid leaking personal information to fraudsters. 

Aside from all of these, the internet has made it extremely easy to meet people online. 

360 MAGAZINE, Vaughn Lowery

Hookup Etiquette: Rules Of Casual Sex You Should Follow

It’s official: you don’t have to be in a relationship to have sex! That’s the resolutions many people want, yet can’t make for some reasons. Nevertheless, the reality can offer you a lot of hot chicks ready to surf’n’turf with no strings attached.

Are you interested in how to get lucky? Remember these 5 easy rules of casual sex that make it really casual!

1. Mind the basics

And by the basics I mean your health. It is the first and the most important thing you should mind while looking for the new sex partner on adult dating sites. Even though it may seem insignificant when it comes to the hot part, don’t underestimate the disappointment an STI can get you. Screw the girl if she tells that it’s better natural – buy yourself some condoms and use them!

2. Get the right girl

When searching for a partner, make sure that you make yourself clear and pick the right girl. Obviously, you won’t find a babe who would agree to have casual sex if you are searching for her on the site of the bridal agency! There are plenty of online venues you can find a hot easy girl. No more need to go for awkward conversations with random girls in the bars.

3. Discuss the expectations

Okay, you are done with the search. There is a babe that is ready to hang out with you. What’s next? Go ahead and talk to her about what your meetings are going to look like. Sure, there is no need to be too straightforward and go like ‘So, my name Is Jack. What about sex?,’ but try to make sure both of you know what you can count on. Is it going to be your place or her’s? Or maybe the hotel?

It is that perfect kind of interaction where you can ask for a lot. Even the things like ‘harder, softer and a little to the right.’ Don’t waste the chance to make it completely clear.

4. No online attacks

It can surely happen in the Internet era that you get too clingy and text, text, and text the girl. Even if you are just trying to make the next sex appointment, give her some space. Sometimes it’s even cooler when the lady wants you more!

5. Emotions restricted

Remember the rules you set. If you notice that either you or your sex partner develop some feelings, feel free to discuss it. After all, you both can move on and find other people to hang out with, no big deal. The great advantage of casual sex is that it stays casual. And if it doesn’t, you just find yourself a person with whom it still works.

10 Tips to Make Yourself Look Attractive to Guys

Sequined embroidered babydoll? You don’t have to be a sexual tease to be more attractive to men. Here are 10 tips for boosting up your “it” factor when it comes to making sure the guy you have your eyes on has his eyes on you.

1. Have Fun

Debbie Downers aren’t fun to be around. People who are energetic and seem naturally happy, without faking it, are generally more attractive. My morning routine involves watching a 20-minute compilation of Jim Carrey’s funniest moments.

2. Variety

Routine builds discipline, which is crucial for staying ahead in life. However, when it comes to relationships (friendships or more), routines are the call of death. Invite spice into your life; if you are interesting, he will be interested in you.

3. Fitness

Burpees burns fat and tone your physique, making you look far more attractive. That said, what you eat plays just as an important role in your fitness as exercise. You don’t have to subscribe to any of the trendy diets rolling around out there, such as high carbs, no fat, no carbs, Keto, etc. Eat healthier – simple as that.

4. Money

How you treat your money shows people what your life values are. If you don’t make a lot of money, be upfront about it – and do not be a financial drain. (This advice applies to men, as well.) Nobody in the world is attracted to someone who continually spends other people’s money.

5. Your Voice

On average, a man who hears a woman with higher-pitched voices thinks she is younger and “more feminine.” With the exception of Scarlett Johansson, who has such a deep, husky voice that nobody can resist it. The same goes true for us: we’re drawn to men with lower-pitched voices.

6. Lingerie

When it comes to sexy women’s lingerie, there’s no denying that being risqué and revealing is attractive. What most women who wear these outfits don’t realise is: your comfort in the outfit amplifies your appeal. If you trust your man, and want to up your “it” factor, don’t be afraid of putting on something a little more… dangerous… than your everyday fashion.

7. Makeup

Most men aren’t interested in women who wear pounds of makeup on their face. Beauty products are made—despite what the fashion industry tells you—to enhance your natural beauty and highlight your prominent features.

8. Curves

Time has shown that men are drawn to women with curves. It’s a far cry from the times of old, when “toothpick-skinny” women dominated the world. If you have curves, don’t try to hide them. Embrace them.

9. Kindness

A friend of mine deliberated about proposing to his girlfriend. That changed one night when they went to the theatres to catch a movie. On their walk there, they passed by a homeless man. The girl went across the street to Subway, and 10 minutes later came out with a 12” BLT and large drink for the man. My friend saw (for himself) that her kindness made her special. He knew she was the one.

10. Your Authenticity

Weird is normal. Do you have odd quirks and eccentricities that got you teased and bullied in school? Embracing your individualism is what makes you most attractive – to anyone, regardless of gender.

Conclusion

These are not “rules” and shouldn’t be treated as such. What works for one person won’t work for someone else. It’s also crucial for you to remember to stay who you are as a woman: nobody in life is worth losing your sense of self.

Is Happy Marriage Possible With Mail Order Bride?

Today, dating and marriage take so many different forms, that every single person can find or even invent their own format of dating, wedding and family life. The cultures merge, people accept a new approach to relationships, and few can today be surprised with an unusual marriage. Globalization, on the other hand, removes the barriers between cultures and also removes distances between people of different cultures. As a result, a lot of couples meet online and build strong relationships, despite the fact of being the representatives of different nationalities, cultures, races or ethnicities.

The other side of it is that if the person cannot find a match for themselves in their area, lacks social circle or lives in a small town where all younger people try to move away, instead of being desperate about finding a couple, such person just goes online. So, people who are unhappy in relationships with their fellow citizens, just find a person, maybe of a totally different culture, who suits them just fine. Therefore, today dating mail order brides and creating families with them is a totally legal, acceptable and promising endeavor.

One has generally equal chances to create a happy family with a girl next door and a mail order bride. The only real difference is that with the girl next door, one may just lack other options. With the mail order bride, though, one can choose, and the girl herself is also ready to relationships, moving to a different country, and creating a family.

There are many benefits of mail order brides. Firstly, these are women who are truly ready to build relationships. If she has registered on the website, she understands the risks and responsibilities. Secondly, the majority of mail order brides are women from poorer countries, while the majority of their men are from richer countries. As a result, the girls are usually grateful for the possibility to move, and thus they are not that demanding in terms of courtship, presents, and similar stuff. After creating a family, they tend to take care of husband and children, instead of building a career or pursuing hobbies.

In the period of dating such girls, there are some possible difficulties like getting in touch on a regular basis, talking through an interpreter, organizing all those trips to each other, etc. For some men, this part is pretty tiresome, especially the legal aspect. However, as soon as everything is done, and the girl got married in her husband’s country, chances are high she becomes the most tender and attentive wife.

This is mostly caused by the fact that the man and the woman actually chose each other, considered all pros and cons about each other, discussed not movies and books, but their relationships and potential life together. They had the chance to know everything about each other and make an informed choice. So, such a marriage has more opportunities to be a happy and successful one.

Tips for Having a Threesome: Is it Right for You and Your Relationship

Finding a way to add excitement to a relationship is something that many couples are keen to do. There are various different ways in which people do this, such as making more of an effort when it comes to romance, dressing up, using adult toys, and making up scenarios to fit in with their fantasies.

There is another option you can consider if you want to spice things up in your relationship, and this is to try a threesome. Of course, this is not something that will be right and acceptable for every couple and you may even find that one partner wants to try it and the other doesn’t. This is why you need to ensure you have a frank and thorough discussion before you take any steps toward arranging a threesome, as it has to be something you are both happy with.

What to Do if You Decide to Try a Threesome

If you and your partner have a discussion and decide to try and threesome in order to spice up your relationship, there are various factors you have to keep in mind. One of the key factors you need to consider is whether you want to find a male or a female to join you for the threesome. Again, this is something you have to be very careful with, as you don’t want your partner getting jealous because the person is the same sex as them.

You also need to discuss how far you want to take things when it comes to the threesome. For instance, you may decide to go all the way with the person that joins you and your partner. Alternatively, you may simply want them to join you for some fun and turn to sex toys such as using a dildo. This is something that you may feel more comfortable with if you have never tried a threesome before or it may be something your partner feels more comfortable with.

Once you have decided on these factors, you need to find a willing participant. While you may have someone you already know in mind, many couples prefer to choose someone they do not know to avoid future complications or embarrassment. There are various online dating sites that cater to those who are interested in arranging or taking part in a threesome. This is, therefore, a great place to start your search.

Before you actually book the person, you need to learn more about them and see what they are like by chatting online and looking at photos. In addition, you also need to ensure they are happy to partake in the activities you have in mind for the threesome.

Enjoy a New Experience

For some couples, having the odd threesome or even having them on a regular basis helps to add some real excitement to the relationship. When you try this for yourself, you can look forward to a whole new experience.

Can You be Happy in a Polyamorous Relationship?

When it comes to relationships, people have different expectations and are prepared to accept different types of relationships. For instance, some people want total monogamy when it comes to their relationship and anything less would mean an end to the relationship. However, others are happy to try different things and have a more open relationship so they can try new experiences with other people while still being in a loving long-term relationship.

So, can a relationship survive this type of openness? And what is polyamory? Well, this type of relationship is based on both partners agreeing that while they are committed to one another as partners, both are free to pursue other sexual experiences outside the relationship. This is not considered cheating or being unfaithful, as it is part of this type of relationship and is therefore done with the full knowledge and acceptance of the other partner.

Is this Type of Relationship Healthy?

One thing many people worry about is whether this type of relationship is healthy. Well, if you are in an open relationship such as this, you may find that many people are not accepting because it doesn’t fit in with their idea of a normal relationship. However, if both partners are happy to be in this type of relationship, it is not an unhealthy one. It is simply down to personal choice and for many people, it is something that helps to strengthen their relationship with their partner.

Of course, there are factors you need to consider if you want to get into this type of relationship. For instance, both partners have to be sure they practice safe sex with other people to reduce the risk of any STDs, which could then be passed on to one another. This is also essential to ensure there are no unwanted pregnancies with other people. In addition, you need to be mindful about your partner developing feelings for another person they are sleeping with or seeing. This is something that could break your relationship, so it is something you need to discuss with one another before entering into this sort of relationship.

Total honesty between the two main partners is also vital when it comes to this type of relationship, otherwise one of you could end up feeling completely paranoid about what the other is doing. You should both be honest and open with one another, as this is what makes it different from cheating behind someone’s back. The more open you are with one another, the easier you will find it to be in a polyamorous relationship.

Enjoying New Experiences

For many couples, this type of relationship is simply about enjoying new experiences with other people. In many people’s minds, being in a loving relationship does not mean having to go through the same sexual routine with the same person for the rest of their lives. This is why many modern couples decide to get into this type of relationship.

Handling Your Anger

5 STEPS TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR ANGER AND HANDLING IT EFFECTIVELY IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Anger can be a normal and healthy emotion. So why is it often so problematic? Here are a few signs that your anger may be harmful rather than helpful:

  • I’m often told I have a “bad temper”
  • Others distance themselves from me when I’m angry
  • Expressing anger leads to fighting
  • I don’t feel understood when I’m angry

Let’s take some time to understand anger in a different way.

As normal and as common as anger is, the emotion is frequently misunderstood and mishandled. In today’s day and age, we are taught that we are supposed to let others know exactly how we feel, which can be helpful at times; however, expressing anger is complicated for two main reasons. First, because it is often a secondary emotion, meaning that people often use anger to mask more vulnerable feelings such as hurt disappointment or fear. These feelings may be frightening because they can leave us feeling weak and helpless. This may cause us to resort to showing anger instead so that we can maintain a sense of control. Second, anger can be problematic because expressing anger, in the wrong way, can trigger fear, defensiveness and anger in the recipient. This may cause the other person to begin to protect him or herself instead of trying to understand you.

So What Is Anger?

In its purest form, anger can be a natural response to feeling purposely violated or wronged in some way. When we believe that someone has intentionally violated us, anger can give us the energy to stand up for ourselves. However, the way in which we understand and express our anger can either cause constructive or destructive results.

If expressing anger leaves you feeling misunderstood, or others feeling hurt, angry or shut down, these tips may help.

1. TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATHE

When you notice that you are feeling angry, slowing down your breath can give you a sense of self-control and peace. This will give you time and space to think about your process so that you don’t go on autopilot. If you feel tension in a particular part of your body, breathe relaxation into it.    

2. NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING

Notice the thoughts that are passing through your mind and the emotions in your body. Is there a tinge of sadness or fear? Are you longing for something? Do you need reassurance? Because many people fear that the other person won’t be there for them in the way they need, these softer feelings often get ignored.  

3. DISCUSS YOUR CONCERNS

Let the other person know that you have some apprehension about sharing your feelings because you fear that he or she won’t be receptive. For example, you may say something like “It’s hard for me to tell you what I need because I think you will judge me.” Once this is in the open, discuss this with the other person until you feel safe enough to share your more vulnerable feelings.

4. BE WILLING TO ADDRESS THE SOFTER FEELINGS

Acknowledging feelings such as loneliness and the desire for acceptance and appreciation can trigger feelings of vulnerability. However, expressing these feelings can connect you to others. When you let someone know your needs, if the dynamic is healthy, the other person will likely try to understand them and help search for a viable solution.

5. BE SOLUTION ORIENTED

Think about your intentions. What are you trying to accomplish by addressing your anger with others? Are you trying to hurt them in the same way you believe they hurt you? If so, this can feed into a destructive pattern of fractured relationships. On the other hand, if your goal is to resolve the issue so that you can build trust and harmony with the other person, then addressing your anger can be helpful. See my blog on Conflict Resolution for detailed steps on how to address conflict.

Understanding and addressing your anger in a way that restores harmony in your relationships can be easy when we focus on the right thing. Call me today for a free consultation so that I can help you change your relationship with anger from one that is harmful to one that creates peace.

 

About Dr. Crystal Clements:

Dr. Crystal Clements is an adjunct professor and registered psychological assistant who practices in Downtown Los Angeles at Sync Counseling Center. She works with adults, adolescents, couples and families to treat depression, anxiety, grief, trauma, and relational issues. She loves what she does and is passionate about helping people feel good about themselves and life. Dr. Crystal earned a PhD in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Studies and MAs in Psychology and Christian Leadership from the Fuller Graduate School of Psychology. She earned a BA in Communications from the University of Pennsylvania. As part of her training, she completed an APA accredited internship in Health Service Psychology at California State University, Fullerton.

Contact her today for a free 15 minute consultation!