Posts tagged with "counseling"

Handling Your Anger

5 STEPS TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR ANGER AND HANDLING IT EFFECTIVELY IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Anger can be a normal and healthy emotion. So why is it often so problematic? Here are a few signs that your anger may be harmful rather than helpful:

  • I’m often told I have a “bad temper”
  • Others distance themselves from me when I’m angry
  • Expressing anger leads to fighting
  • I don’t feel understood when I’m angry

Let’s take some time to understand anger in a different way.

As normal and as common as anger is, the emotion is frequently misunderstood and mishandled. In today’s day and age, we are taught that we are supposed to let others know exactly how we feel, which can be helpful at times; however, expressing anger is complicated for two main reasons. First, because it is often a secondary emotion, meaning that people often use anger to mask more vulnerable feelings such as hurt disappointment or fear. These feelings may be frightening because they can leave us feeling weak and helpless. This may cause us to resort to showing anger instead so that we can maintain a sense of control. Second, anger can be problematic because expressing anger, in the wrong way, can trigger fear, defensiveness and anger in the recipient. This may cause the other person to begin to protect him or herself instead of trying to understand you.

So What Is Anger?

In its purest form, anger can be a natural response to feeling purposely violated or wronged in some way. When we believe that someone has intentionally violated us, anger can give us the energy to stand up for ourselves. However, the way in which we understand and express our anger can either cause constructive or destructive results.

If expressing anger leaves you feeling misunderstood, or others feeling hurt, angry or shut down, these tips may help.

1. TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATHE

When you notice that you are feeling angry, slowing down your breath can give you a sense of self-control and peace. This will give you time and space to think about your process so that you don’t go on autopilot. If you feel tension in a particular part of your body, breathe relaxation into it.    

2. NOTICE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING

Notice the thoughts that are passing through your mind and the emotions in your body. Is there a tinge of sadness or fear? Are you longing for something? Do you need reassurance? Because many people fear that the other person won’t be there for them in the way they need, these softer feelings often get ignored.  

3. DISCUSS YOUR CONCERNS

Let the other person know that you have some apprehension about sharing your feelings because you fear that he or she won’t be receptive. For example, you may say something like “It’s hard for me to tell you what I need because I think you will judge me.” Once this is in the open, discuss this with the other person until you feel safe enough to share your more vulnerable feelings.

4. BE WILLING TO ADDRESS THE SOFTER FEELINGS

Acknowledging feelings such as loneliness and the desire for acceptance and appreciation can trigger feelings of vulnerability. However, expressing these feelings can connect you to others. When you let someone know your needs, if the dynamic is healthy, the other person will likely try to understand them and help search for a viable solution.

5. BE SOLUTION ORIENTED

Think about your intentions. What are you trying to accomplish by addressing your anger with others? Are you trying to hurt them in the same way you believe they hurt you? If so, this can feed into a destructive pattern of fractured relationships. On the other hand, if your goal is to resolve the issue so that you can build trust and harmony with the other person, then addressing your anger can be helpful. See my blog on Conflict Resolution for detailed steps on how to address conflict.

Understanding and addressing your anger in a way that restores harmony in your relationships can be easy when we focus on the right thing. Call me today for a free consultation so that I can help you change your relationship with anger from one that is harmful to one that creates peace.

 

About Dr. Crystal Clements:

Dr. Crystal Clements is an adjunct professor and registered psychological assistant who practices in Downtown Los Angeles at Sync Counseling Center. She works with adults, adolescents, couples and families to treat depression, anxiety, grief, trauma, and relational issues. She loves what she does and is passionate about helping people feel good about themselves and life. Dr. Crystal earned a PhD in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Family Studies and MAs in Psychology and Christian Leadership from the Fuller Graduate School of Psychology. She earned a BA in Communications from the University of Pennsylvania. As part of her training, she completed an APA accredited internship in Health Service Psychology at California State University, Fullerton.

Contact her today for a free 15 minute consultation!

 

Angela LaRosa

New Book
“Smile! Be Happy! Life Lessons From An Uncommon Housewife”
by Angela LaRosa
Seeks to Spread Thoughtful and Inspiring Advice Through Positivity

Having Overcome Many Trials and Tribulations From Losing Her Mother at a Young Age to Being Diagnosed with a Brain Tumor and Raising A Child With Autism – Angela Shares What She Has Learned From Handling Life’s Challenges and Choosing to Move On While Staying Happy and Healthy

Being a housewife is challenging – managing a home, assisting a husband in business, and raising four children (not to mention taking care of yourself), which is the focus of the inspirational new book “Smile! Be Happy! Life Lessons From An Uncommon Housewife” by Author/Mother/Wife and Health Coach Angela LaRosa, out now via Legacy Projects.

In the books introduction, Angela states “I have wanted to write this book for a long time, but never did because I considered myself in the eyes of society to be just an ordinary woman without the fame required to appeal to the masses” continuing “But then I came to realize that this is exactly why I should do this book – because as a suburban mother of four beautiful children, a happy housewife, and someone devoted to prayer and making the world around me a more positive and loving place, I may make a difference”. And that is certainly what she has done.

In chapters from “The Basics” where she touches on topics like finding balance, prayer, faith, and common sense to “Children and Family” discussing raising a child with Autism, “Communicating Through Challenges” which addresses bullying, self expression, and more – “Smile! Be Happy!” certainly hits on topics all can relate to and learn from. Having brought hope and optimism to every aspect of her life, and with her bold and durable commitment to God, she enjoys a life of beautiful fulfillment and is now proud to share what she has learned.

About the Author:

Angela LaRosa was born in Brooklyn, New York, to loving parents who unfortunately divorced when she was quite young. This triggered a litany of tragedies and loss – first, losing the security of an intact family, and then her “Mommy” in a tragic accident, which took her life. Angela moved to Queens with her father and stepmother, along with an amazing younger brother and sister, with occasional visits from her older brother who lived far away.

As she developed into a young lady, Angela gained strength and wisdom from being exposed to many challenging situations, and she always searched for positive outcomes and solutions. For many years, she wore a smile on her face as a mask to protect herself and others from sadness. She believes this was one of her very first blessings in creating a happy life. Today, she feels her heavenly mother’s spirit constantly guiding and protecting her, along with the grace of God.

Angela currently resides on Long Island with her wonderful husband, four beautiful children, and three dogs, surrounded by a close family and amazing friends. She feels blessed and believes that she can overcome any obstacle in her way with a positive attitude, a smile, and the love and protection of God and all her angels.

Angela aims to project positivity into the world each day as she strives to help others live a happy life. She hopes that her story will encourage and inspire others to create a world of prayer, peace, and prosperity, while wearing an infectious smile.

Get “Smile! Be Happy! Life Lessons From An Uncommon Housewife” via

Barnes & Noble
Amazon

Angela LaRosa, 360 MAGAZINE