The past two years have ushered unprecedented changes to daily life, no matter how much media pundits try to pretend everything is normal. The pandemic upended the economy, but the more dramatic shift continues behind the scenes in everyday people’s attitudes.
People now realize the old narrative no longer works. Spending every waking hour away from their family slaving for a company that would replace them tomorrow if they died at their desk is a waste of this one divine life they have been given. They are demanding a radical new direction in the usual order of business.
Some are downsizing, moving off the grid or into vehicles to escape the relentless grind of a societal wheel that demands cash payment for everything but the air they breathe. Others are starting over in other ways, taking new jobs or refusing to return to substandard working conditions, contenting themselves with less.
However, all this chaos amid a pandemic blended with widespread economic uncertainty causes understandable unease. If you feel like the bottom has been pulled out from under you, you are not alone. Here are three principles to guide you through learning how to embrace change — because it is the one thing in life that remains constant.
1. Establish Your Core Values
Who are you, and what matters to you the most? These questions aren’t ones you can ignore after you declare your college major and settle into your chosen path. They should guide your daily decisions, helping you resolve conflicts by calling upon your core values to make the right choice in how to behave.
Internal conflicts arise when your chosen lifestyle no longer aligns with your core values. It influences everything from your choice of a life partner to your selection of jobs. For example, people who cherish human relationships probably won’t thrive in a role that requires them to deliver eviction notices. Those who crave nothing more than quiet family life in the country could find themselves endlessly frustrated if they chose a loft-dwelling city slicker as their mate.
Establishing your core values isn’t about feeling superior to anyone else. It’s simply defining who you are in the world and what you represent. You don’t have to exclude others from your circle if they have different beliefs — on the contrary, having a firm sense of who you are can give you a greater appreciation of the beauty in diversity.
However, your core values help define what role various other people and organizations play in your life. For example, if you cherish positivity, you’ll limit your contact with those who complain for complaining’s sake. If you don’t like how a certain store treats its employees, you can take your business elsewhere.
2. Embrace Radical Acceptance
If the events of the past two years taught people one thing, it’s that life isn’t always fair. Some people lost loved ones amid the pandemic, while others lost work and homes. It can seem like lightning strikes with no rhyme or reason, destroying even those who work hard, follow the rules and try to do everything right.
Embracing radical acceptance doesn’t mean taking a dismal view of events, assuming the worst will inevitably occur. It simply means stopping your behavior from turning temporarily negative circumstances into lifelong spirals of despair. It requires you to step back from your emotional reactions and take a neutral view of circumstances, focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can’t.
Radical acceptance helps you embrace change by breaking the rumination cycle. Think about the mental energy you expend on thoughts like, “what did I do to deserve this” and “why is this happening to me?” While these may be valid questions, you know you’ll never get an answer in this lifetime. All musing on such ideas can do is reinforce your negative emotions, in turn amplifying your mind’s dark whisperings, on and on until you spiral into depression, substance abuse or both.
Achieving a state of emotional detachment helps prevent these dark feelings from becoming behaviors that further deteriorate your situation. If you lost your job, staying in bed in a depressed stupor instead of looking for a replacement can mean falling short on rent. If you turn to the bottle, you could lose your relationship, career or both.
All change requires some hardship. Some circumstances are tougher to navigate than others. Embracing radical acceptance prevents you from letting impulsive emotions make a bad situation worse. It helps you focus on the possibility of a positive outcome — which is at least equally as likely as a tragedy.
3. Create Meaning Amid the Chaos
If you’ve endured emotional or physical trauma — or both — toxic positivity is an instant turn-off. Words like “everything happens for a reason” ring hollow when you are mourning the loss of a loved one or waving goodbye to most of your worldly belongings, courtesy of an eviction notice.
However, you might do better at embracing change by finding comfort in the works of Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who went on to become a psychologist and neurologist. He endured unimaginable shifts in his life — and yet, he helped humanity.
In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” he discusses how it’s perfectly normal to behave abnormally under abnormal circumstances. What that means is that you should treat yourself gently, the way you would a beloved friend, when you’re going through a radical life change. Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes, understand that you are doing the best you can.
If you’re changing jobs or homes, forgive yourself if you sometimes run short of patience or skip a healthy meal in favor of a fast-food treat. Leave the dishes in the sink if you can’t manage one more thing at the end of a trying day.
Frankl’s main point is that achieving a healthy mindset regardless of horrific circumstances creates a sense of purpose. Think of yourself as the main character in a movie about your life. What would they choose to do in your place? What is their motivation?
Your objectives need not be anything earth-shattering. You might find your purpose in treating everyone you encounter with kindness, putting a smile on one face per day. Imagine if everyone in the world adopted such a goal!
How to Learn to Embrace Change
The past two years’ events have led to unprecedented shifts for many. You aren’t alone if you’re feeling adrift. Ultimately, it’s up to you to create your anchor in life by establishing your core values, embracing radical acceptance, and moving forward with purpose. Following these steps will help you learn how to embrace change.
